


Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

by Tru_tru



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: 90's sitcom style gay panic, Bisexuality, Growing Up, Kissing, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Mild Angst, Misunderstandings, Topanga is amazing, basically a Very Special Episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27110815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tru_tru/pseuds/Tru_tru
Summary: Shawn definitely isn't...like that. Neither is Cory. They're just friends. Very, very close friends, who are comfortable with each other. It doesn't mean anything... right?At least that's what they assume, until a discussion in Mr. Turner's lit class makes Shawn reassess things. Can Cory get through to him before his friend pulls away for good?
Relationships: Shawn Hunter/Cory Matthews
Comments: 19
Kudos: 69





	1. Seventh Grade

“Aren’t you guys getting a little old for sleepovers?” Eric said, looking up from the fridge as Cory and Shawn made their way to the living room, sleeping bags in hand. 

“Shawn needed a place to crash.” Cory responded gleefully- he's happy for any excuse to spend time with his best friend. Shawn nodded, adding: 

“Yeah, my Aunt Cheryl stayed with us for a couple of nights- turns out she had bedbugs. Now the whole trailer has to be fumigated.”

Eric shook his head in disbelief before turning away from them. 

“How is your family not on television?” He said, before finally deciding on a can of coke. 

“Too many of us in witness protection.” Was the response, but Eric had already lost interest. 

“Whatever.“ Cory said as he waved Shawn into the living room. “Come on- we’re gonna have a blast. I got Invasion of the Killer Space Rats, and a mountain of snacks that contain almost no real nutritional value!” Shawn grinned and plopped down on the couch, snagging a bag of chips from the mountain of snacks on the coffee table. 

“Cory my friend, you sure know how to show a guy a good time.”

It's only 7pm, so Cory puts their sleeping bags aside for later. They spend nearly two hours in front of the TV, switching back and forth between America's Funniest Home Videos and a Baywatch marathon before they finally remember to put in the movie. 

It's terrible- made in the 70's with what must have been practically no money, the special effects are terrible and the acting is painful. They have a total blast ripping it apart.

Eventually Cory's dad calls down from upstairs, and they begrudgingly switch off the set and spread out their sleeping bags. 

Like always, Cory, in some weird effort to be polite refuses to take the couch- if one of them has to sleep on the floor, then both of them will sleep on the floor- even though they both know that halfway through the night he'll will get uncomfortable and end up their anyway. But they still go through the motions- it's practically a tradition by this point.

And even though Shawn will never admit it, he loves that, because they always line up their sleeping bags so that their heads are close enough that they can whisper to each other once the lights go out.

They switch off the last of the lights and climb into their respective sleeping bags, stomachs full of sugar and chemicals, retinas burning from sitting too close to the tv screen.

Shawn closes his eyes, but he knows he won't be going to sleep- not immediately anyway. After a few moments of silence, he hears Cory's voice, barely above a whisper, saying:

“Man, Eric doesn’t know what he’s talking about. We’re not too old for sleepovers. Why would 14 be too old?” Shawn barely remembered him making the comment, but apparently it had stuck with Cory. 

“Eric stopped being interested in guy time as soon as he hit puberty man." Shawn responds, matter-of-factly. "All he’s got time for is dating.”

“Well, that’s just dumb." Cory whispers back, derisively. "I mean, we go on dates with girls, and we still make time for each other. We’re best friends!”

“Hey, no argument here.”

Cory is silent for a long while. Shawn can practically hear the gears in his head turning.

“Hey Shawn?" His tone is less heated now, more hesitant. "Do you ever think that…wires can get crossed in your head?” Shawn opens his eyes and looks over, but he can't see much- just the faint outline of Cory's head, staring at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“Well like, dating and guy stuff- two totally different subjects, right? Girls and guys- for kissing and sports, respectively.”

“Yeah…” Shawn says, still not quite sure where Cory’s mind is leading them.

“Well…" He continues, "Does it ever get mixed up in a way you don’t expect? Like you find yourself thinking about shooting hoops with a girl or…you know…” He trails off and Shawn gets the feeling he's not going to elaborate. 

“…kissing a guy?” Shawn finishes, assuming that's where the sentence was headed.

Cory doesn’t confirm that’s what he meant, but he doesn’t deny it either, so Shawn just thinks about it.

“I mean, sure." He says, thinking out loud, the way he always does with Cory. "I’ve thought about that. I think everyone must at some point.”

“You think?” Cory's asks with cautious optimism.

“Sure! I mean, I get crushes on guys, but…it’s like a male bonding thing, you know? It’s not about sex, it’s just…appreciation.” Shawn listens back to his own words, and the rational seems solid enough.

“Yeah…you know that makes sense!" Cory agrees, sounding much more confident. "There are definitely some guys that I…appreciate. And you think that’s normal?”

“Totally." Shawn assures him. "And it’s not like you’re not interested in girls, right?”

“No…no it’s definitely too late for me there.”

“So, you’re fine! Don’t worry about it.” The last words are both for Cory and himself. It's not that he had been worrying, exactly, just…wondering. He'd figured it was just another weird puberty thing, and if it was happening to Cory too, the theory held up. Eric probably went through it too and just kept it to himself- there was a lot about puberty that was best kept to yourself.

Except now he was wondering- hell, maybe even worrying- who was it that Cory…appreciating? Maybe Harley Keiner? He was pretty sexy, maybe Cory liked older bad boys.

He fell sleeping thinking about the pros and cons of hair gel, and didn't even bother considering why Cory's taste in guys mattered so much to him. 


	2. Eighth Grade

Cory paced the small area of his bedroom nervously. The house was mostly empty, save for Eric and his date in the living room, so naturally he and Shawn were keeping to the upstairs as much as possible.

“What am I gonna do, Shawn?" Cory lamented. "Last time there was a party like this, the only thing that saved me was Topanga!” Shawn thought back to the night he was talking about- Jenny Kazinski's party. That had definitely been a good night for Shawn. Cory, on the other hand, had come out of that closet white as a sheet.

“Wait, you told me nothing happened between you guys.” Shawn recalled.

“Exactly!" Cory exclaimed, "We just talked, and she was cool with that because she’s Topanga. Any other girl, and I would have been a laughing-stock.” Shawn shook his head.

“Cory, you’re overreacting.”

“No Shawn," He said, pointing his finger accusingly at his friend. "I am reacting just the right amount. Next year we’re gonna be in _high school_ , and I still know nothing about kissing. Meanwhile you’re all the way up to tongue. Tongue!" He threw his hands up in the air. "I can’t handle _tongue,_ look at me!”

Shawn, who was sitting cross legged on Cory’s bed, just rolled his eyes.

“Look, Cor, if it’s freaking you out so much, why don’t we just practice?”

Cory's arms dropped, and his eyebrows shot up. 

“What, you mean like, you and me?” Shawn shrugged one shoulder and pushed his hair out of his eyes. It was a familiar action, but it still made Cory’s insides tingle a little.

“You got a better idea?” Cory thought about it. Topanga was off the table- she was in New York, and even if she was here, it was unlikely she’d agree to just make out with him for the sake of practice.

“No.” He conceded. “But…wouldn’t that be weird?” Shawn raised an eyebrow.

“Do _you_ think it’d be weird?”

“Well…probably not." Cory was pacing again, but this time in consideration, not panic. "I mean, you’re my best friend. It’s your job to like me, even when I’m an idiot or suck at something.”

“True.” Shawn said, laughing a little.

“And you do know more about kissing than anyone else I know…”.

“Also true.”

Cory looked at Shawn, checked for any sign that this was a joke or elaborate prank. All he saw was Shawn, looking as relaxed as he always did. This was part of what Cory loved so much about his best friend- while Cory was constantly anxious, overthinking everything until he found the worst-case scenario, Shawn was just…calm.

He took life in stride, shrugged off the stuff he didn’t care for and moved on. He didn’t lie- not to Cory anyway- and if he offered help or made a promise, he always kept his word.

Cory didn’t trust many people, but he trusted Shawn.

“Yeah, okay.” He rubbed his hands together, and asked, “So, where do we start?”

“Well, this is another Seven Minutes in Heaven party, so you’ll be in a closet.” Instinctually, Cory looked to his own closet. There was no way they would both be able to fit. But Shawn was already ahead of him.

“Don’t worry about the closet part- it’s the standing that we need to get you used to. Kissing while standing is totally different than kissing while sitting down.” Cory nodded along.

“Ok, this is good," He said, mostly to himself, "This is the kind of stuff I need to know." He turned his attention back to Shawn. "So how is it different?”

Shawn pulled himself off the bed and came over to stand in front of Cory, whose chest tightened a little with the knowledge of what they were about to do. He didn’t move away though- he didn't want to. Even so, his palms stayed dry and his heart didn’t start hammering the way it did when he was close to a girl. He was still mostly relaxed- it was a promising start.

“Alright," Shawn continued, "Spread your feet apart a little- good, just like that. If you don’t have a couch or wall to lean against, solid footing is key to keeping your balance.” Cory nodded, trying not to think about how many couches or walls had supported his friend’s weight.

“I still don’t know what to do with my hands.” He added, dumbly. They were only a few inches apart- practically breathing the same air. Shawn looked down and grabbed his wrist.

“Ok, so when you’re leaning in, take one hand and bring it up to her neck.” He brought Cory’s hand up and placed it against the line of his jaw. His skin was warm and smooth. “And she’ll probably do this,” He puts his hand flat on his shoulder. “And then you just close your eyes…and lean into it.”

He does.

Shawn’s lips are warm and soft and a little wet, but he finds himself liking that. There’s a faint smell of cigarette smoke and motor oil, but even that is comforting- it’s Shawn, after all. That’s how he always smelled.

Cory doesn’t do much; he knows he should be paying attention, focusing on Shawn’s technique, but it’s hard to focus on anything. He feels lightheaded, and every bit of his skin that is touching Shawn’s is tingling.

They kiss for a few minutes, but it feels like hours. Even so, when Shawn does finally pull away, Cory’s not quite ready for it. He manages to open is eyes, and registers that Shawn is smiling. That’s got to be a good sign, right?

“Not bad for a rookie.” He says. “Do you wanna try up against the wall?”

Cory nods, trying not to show how very much he wants to continue, just in case getting too excited might make Shawn regret the whole endeavor. 

“Might as well.” He says, as nonchalantly as he can.

By the time Cory's mom calls them down for dinner, Shawn has taught him everything he knows, and Cory is idly wondering if they might just skip Jenny's party altogether.

After all, it was hard to imagine any of the girls in his grade being able to top the skills of Shawn Hunter. 


	3. Freshman Year: Part I

The first thing Shawn did when he got to school was put up a mirror in his new locker. The second thing he did was use that mirror check on the status of his glued-on sideburns.

They were holding up.

“I don’t know why you bothered with those things Shawn. You’re already…you know…” Shawn glanced over and Cory was waving his hand vaguely at his face. He wanted to say 'totally gorgeous', but didn't. Even if he had, Shawn wasn't really listening.

“This is high school Cor- I’m up against a whole new level of competition.”

“Please, you’re gonna be ditching me for hot upper classman in no time.” Shawn closed his locker and looked at Cory with a hurt expression.

“Come on, you really think I’d do that to you?” Seconds after the words left his mouth, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see a gorgeous blonde girl smiling down at him.

“Hey new guy- walk me to class?” He blinked. What had he been saying? It didn’t matter- a pretty girl was talking to him, and the rest of the world seemed to fade away. Before he knew it, he had his arm around her waist.

“Lead the way, Mademoiselle.” He made it all the way to the second floor before he realized what had happened.

"Dammit."

He walked into Turner’s class a short time later. Naturally Cory had beat him there.

“Shawn, my friend! So good to see you. I have your knife by the way- you left it _in my back_.”

Shawn slumped into the chair behind him. Even if Cory was being a tad dramatic, he did feel guilty.

“I’m sorry man, it’s like a reflex- I can’t control it.” It was the truth too- when it came to gorgeous women, he was like a cat with a laser pointer. And it wasn't just gorgeous women lately either. He had accidentally gone into the wrong homeroom that morning pursuing the JV Quarterback.

He really needed to figure out a way to keep his hormones in check.

“Alright everybody, settle down.” Mr. Turner called from the head of the class. The chatter died down and everyone settled into their seats. 

“Now," He began, "Since it’s the first day of classes I thought I’d go easy on you. There's a stack of papers going around, everybody grab one. It’s our syllabus for the year- all the books we’re gonna read, and all the assignments you’ll be expected to do on each one. Today, all we’re going to do is look over the syllabus and talk about what’s on it.”

“Talk about a cake walk.” Shawn whispered to Cory as they each grabbed a sheet of paper.

“I bet ya there’s a catch- there always is with these teacher types.” Shawn smiled, thankful his friend's need to be the comic relief triumphed over any potential grudge-holding. Mr. Turner went on,

“Now, raise your hand if you’ve read any of the books on this list.”

No one moved. Shawn didn't even look at the paper- new information could be very disruptive to his zoning-out process. 

“Alright, alright- raise your hand if you’ve _heard_ of any of the books on this list.” A few hands went up, Topanga's included. “Miss Lawrence?” 

“Well, The Picture of Dorian Grey stands out." She said in a clear voice, despite already being at the front of the class. "My mother loves Oscar Wilde.” Shawn rolled his eyes instinctively, but Mr. Turner seemed impressed. 

“Ah, interesting choice. Of all the books on that list, that is the only one I had to really fight the school board to let me teach.”

“Wait, you had to get _permission_ to make us read a book?” Cory asked, astounded. 

“Well, it’s not just any book." Mr. Turner explained. "When it was first published it caused such an outrage that some people even wanted Wilde prosecuted for violating the laws of public morality.” Cory was officially interested- even Shawn was a little curious now. 

“What was so immoral about it?” Cory asked.

Mr. Turner looked to Topanga.

“You wanna take this one?” In answer, Topanga turned around to face Cory- even in high school, she still felt the need to look someone full in the face while she showed off her intelligence. 

“Oscar Wilde was widely known for having extra-marital affairs with both women and men. The book itself contains themes of homosexuality, hedonism and violence. It would later be used as evidence against Mr. Wilde when he was tried for sodomy.” 

Cory was speechless, but Shawn had to ask:

“So, if it’s got all this bad stuff in it, why teach it at all?” Mr. Turner crossed his arms.

“Because it’s not 1895 Mr. Hunter, and I happened to think that same sex attraction shouldn’t be considered a taboo subject. Now there’s a lot of layers to the story of Dorian Grey, and what I’m hoping is that by reading this book we’ll be able to have some open, adult conversations about morality- how it was defined in Oscar Wilde’s day, and how that definition has changed over time.”

“Didn’t I tell ya?” Cory said over his shoulder to Shawn. “Always a catch.”

Later that night at Mr. Turner's apartment, Shawn pushed around the spaghetti around on his plate, too distracted to have much of an appetite.

“You alright Shawn?” Jonathon asked from the other side of the kitchen island. Now that they weren't in school it was back to being on a first name basis.

“Hm?” Shawn looked up to see Jonathon looking at him with concern.

“It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever seen you pass up a plate of hot food, even in the cafeteria. I know I’m no master chef, but I’d like to think my cooking is a little more palatable than Bertha’s Monday Meat Surprise.”

Shawn put down his fork.

“Sorry, man. The food’s good, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you’d care to share?” Shawn looked at his teacher. He didn’t look angry, and he'd been pretty cool about stuff before. What the hell- Shawn was living with the guy now, it wasn’t like they had a lot of secrets.

“That Oscar guy…the one we were talking about in class?” He nodded.

“Oscar Wilde.”

“Right. Topanga said he was put on trial for…being the way he was.” Jonathan’s face was still neutral- he was waiting for Shawn to get to a point or ask a question, but Shawn wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to ask.

“What happened to him?” He said at last. Johnathan looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Well, he tried to plead not guilty, but the evidence against him was too strong. He was sentenced to two years hard labor. He made it through, but the stress of the trial and living in prison…it did a number on him. He died a few years after being released.”

“Huh.” Shawn wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. “But, you said it was different nowadays.” Johnathan nodded.

“It is, in some places. But for gay people in America, there are still challenges- discrimination, homophobia. Some places still have laws against it, even though they were written by people over a century ago.” 

“So…do _you_ think it’s wrong?” Shawn asked, a little scared of what his answer might be. Jonathan shook his head immediately.

“No, I don’t. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk about the book in class. I’m sure there are plenty of kids at John Adams who were taught that being gay is a sin or a mental illness, and maybe a few who think that experiencing same-sex attraction makes them some kind of freak.”

“And…you’re saying it doesn’t?” 

“Yeah, Shawn. That’s what I’m saying.” Shawn nodded and picked his fork back up. He was ready to be done with the conversation, but he had one more thought.

“You know, if you’d wanted to do that, you probably should have chosen a book with a happy ending, instead of one with a bunch of murder and suicide.”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

“How do you know how it ends?” He asked, suspiciously. Shawn shrugged.

“I may have swung by the library after class.” He said before shoving a heap of spaghetti into his mouth. 

“So you’re telling me that between the end of my class and now, you found a copy of The Picture of Dorian Grey and read _the whole thing_?” Shawn swallowed, but didn't look up from his plate.

“It wasn’t that long. I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about.” He hoped that would be enough- if Jonathon, or any of his teachers knew how smart he actually was they'd expect him to start _trying_ , and he had no interest in that. 

“Huh." Jonathon didn't say anything for a while, but Shawn could tell by the look on his face that he had more up his sleeve. As they loaded the dirty dishes into the washer, he said:

"You know, if you're interested in banned books, I think I may have a copy of _Beloved_ by Toni Morrison. It caused a prison riot in a women's prison.”

“I know what you're trying to do Mr. Turner- I read one book. Don't get your hopes up.” 


	4. Freshmen Year: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Topanga this time! Because there should always be more Topanga.

Shawn took Mr. Turner’s words to heart, and over the next few months he keeps whatever revelations he may have had to himself. Cory seemed unaffected by the whole thing, and Shawn saw no reason to change that. He remembered the conversation they once had, about appreciating guys the same way they did girls, but maybe Cory has forgotten. Maybe for him it was just a phase, but for Shawn it was like his cat allergy or his fondness for a certain curly haired nerd- just something he was stuck with.

It wasn’t all bad though- over time he learned how to spot that look in a guy’s eye, and to turn casual conversation into covert make-out sessions in the janitor’s closet, while still reaping the benefits of having a new girl on his arm every other week.

He was in that very closet with Marcus Schroder for a few minutes before homeroom when the bell rang, and, after waiting a few seconds to be safe, walked out into the hall and right into Topanga.

“Shawn?” She asks, confused. There aren’t that many people left in the hallway. “What were you doing in the closet?” She looks down the hall at Marcus, who is moving quickly away from them, and Shawn has the same sudden feeling of shame he gets when one of his parents walks in on him naked.

She looks back at him, and the look of concern only grows. Marcus isn’t what most would consider a ‘good kid’; he’s been caught smoking pot behind the library, and has a steady business selling his Ritalin- though there’s a chance Topanga doesn’t know about the second thing.

Shawn can practically see the conclusions forming behind her eyes.

“Relax Topanga- it’s not what you think.” He’s being honest too- he has a feeling if he ever tried any of that stuff he’d like it a little too much, and he’s seen enough from the people at the trailer park to know how badly those stories can end. 

“Marcus and I were just…” He wracks his brain for a believable excuse, but everything he thinks of sounds lame and will only make it seem more likely that he’s doing drugs. He sighs and looks around- the halls are empty now.

He looks back at Topanga. As much as he teases her, he likes having her as a friend. He doesn’t want her to think that he’s just another burnout from the trailer park, and that leaves him with only one option: the truth.

“We were making out, okay?” He says in a low voice. “We’re not…it’s not a big deal, it’s just something we do sometimes.”

“Oh!” She says, pulling her head back like he’s telling her about another of Mr. Turner’s tattoos- a little surprised, but not all that bothered. “Okay.” 

Shawn hesitates.

“You…won’t tell anyone, right?” He finally asks, because it’s the only thing he can think of saying.

“If you don’t want me to say anything, of course I won’t,” She says in that matter-of-fat tone of hers, and then adds “But I hope you know it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Shawn rolls his eyes.

“Of course that’s what _you_ think- your parents are weird hippies who read tarot cards and talk about past lives. This is the _real world_ Topanga, and if anybody found out…” He doesn’t really know what will happen but he’s pretty sure it won’t be good. She shakes her head.

“I think you underestimate people, Shawn.”

“I estimate them just fine.” He replies.

She keeps her word, regardless of their differing opinions, and Shawn doesn’t think much about the conversation until a few weeks later.

They’re all back in Mr. Turner’s class. Over the course of the year they’ve been through The Great Gatsby, Lord of the Flies and To Kill a Mockingbird, and have finally come back to Dorian Grey. Shawn doesn’t say much, despite it being the only book on the list he’s actually read cover to cover, and he’s thankful Mr. Turner doesn’t press him on it.

He’s been tuning in and out, scratching his name into the desk with an old key he found. There are only a few minutes before class lets out, and he can feel the restless energy of kids desperate for a break when suddenly Topanga clears her throat.

“Yes, Ms. Lawrence- final thoughts?”

“Mr. Turner, while the past weeks’ discussions have been educational, I still think there is more that this school can do for its gay and lesbian students.”

“Well, what did you have in mind?”

“I’d like to form an LGBT Alliance here are John Adams- a group where anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can get support and feel welcome.”

Shawn hears a couple guys at the back of the classroom snicker.

“Told you she was a lez,” One says to the other. Shawn feels sick.

“I think that’s a great idea!” Mr. Turner says, smiling, but Shawn can’t let Topanga go down like this- especially when he knows she’s doing it for his sake.

“Don’t waste your time Topanga- nobody’s going to show up to a club just to have a target painted on their backs.”

“The point of a club like this is to build a community, not single out people for ridicule.” Topanga responds ardently.

“But that’s what’ll happen! Anyone who joins, that’s all they’ll be- gay, straight, it won’t matter. You’d be taking something that isn’t anyone’s business in the first place and making it their whole identity.”

People are looking at him now- _Cory’s_ looking at him now, faced all scrunched up in confusion- but the more he thinks about it the angrier he gets. Topanga isn’t back down, though.

“And what would be your alternative? For anyone who isn’t straight to just hide? Lie to their friends and family so they can fit in?”

“Yeah- because that’s already what’s happening! Why can’t you just let things be?”

Topanga opened her mouth, but the shrill ring of the bell cut her off. Kids started peeling out and Shawn was more than ready to go with them. He was halfway to the door when Mr. Turner barked his name, and he knew he was toast.

He sees Topanga grab Cory’s arm and practically drag him out of the classroom. Cory still has that confused, worried look on his face, so Shawn nods his head to him know it’s ok.

In a few moments it’s just the two of them.

“Shut the door.” Mr. Turner says, and Shawn does. “Now, you wanna tell me what the hell just happened?”

Shawn bites the inside of his cheek and looks away. He feels bad for blowing up at Topanga- God knows what the rest of the class is saying about them now- but he doesn’t say anything.

“Cuz I’ll tell ya,” Mr. Turner says, “What I just saw was a very nice girl trying to do some good before you jumped down her throat.”

“Topanga doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” Shawn mutters, still refusing to meet the older man’s eyes.

“And how would you know?”

“Because!” Shawn snaps, before deflating. “Because…I know her. And I know that the only reason she brought up all that alliance stuff in the first place is…because of me.”

Turner shakes his head, still not getting it, and finally Shawn is forced to say the words out loud:

“I’m…into guys. And girls. Both, which, no matter how you slice it I’m pretty sure isn’t normal.”

Mr. Turner’s expression shifts in understanding. But rather than reacting to the revelation, he just carries on in that ‘concerned teacher’ tone. 

“So, it’s not just that Topanga is doing a good thing- she’s doing it specifically for you. But rather than be grateful, you’re angry with her- you see where I’m lost here?”

“Look, maybe she was trying to help- the fact is, I didn’t ask for it. I _told_ her I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, that I didn’t want anyone to find out.”

“Alright, maybe she was out of line. Maybe she should have talked to you first- but her heart was in the right place. She probably just doesn’t want you to feel scared about getting ‘found out’ in the first place.”

“But all that stuff you said- about discrimination and homophobia- if all that stuff still exists, then I _should_ be scared.”

Turner sighs and his expression goes soft. 

“Shawn, there’s always gonna be something to be scared of- people, ideas, you name it. The trick to life is not letting the fear win. And one of the best ways to do that is to fill your corner with people who are gonna back you up, no matter how scary things get. Seems to me like Topanga was just trying to be one of those people. Between her, Matthews, and me, I’d say you’ve got a lot more support than you think you do.”

Shawn considers this- there’s just one problem to Mr. Turner’s argument.

“I haven’t really talked to Cory about it. Maybe he already knows, I don’t know.”

“Well he is your best friend. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“But what if he doesn’t? What if I tell him and he never wants to talk to me again?” Mr. Turner laughs a little.

“That kid’s got a skull as thick as his hair…but he’s got a good heart. He cares about you- I think the least you can do is give him a chance to prove it.”

Cory stares at the plate of brownies in front of him. He’s got one on his plate, full glass of milk and all, but he hasn’t touched either. His stomach is in knots.

“Cory? You ok?” His mom comes over to the table, wiping water off her hands with a dishrag. She looks pointedly at the untouched food- it’s been almost 15 minutes since he sat down, most days he can put away three bars in that amount of time.

“Yeah, just had a long day.” He says, remembering that that’s something his dad will say when he comes home overwhelmed and doesn’t want to talk about it. His mom says nothing, just raises an eyebrow and waits for him to elaborate- figures he can’t pull off the way his dad can.

“Shawn’s been acting weird.” He confesses at last. “Today in class he got all mad at Topanga for trying to start this club, then Mr. Turner made him stay behind to talk to him about it, and I waited by his locker like always but he didn’t even talk to me about it! Just blew by like he didn’t see me. And Topanga knows something but she won’t tell me what, and I’m goin’ nuts trying to figure out what’s going on!”

He has to take a big gulp of air once the words are out. His mom looks confused, and he’s glad, because at least now he’s not the only one. 

“What club was Topanga trying to start?”

“I don’t know, some Alliance with a bunch of letters- BLT? LGB? Some place for kids to get support.”

“LGBT?”

“Yeah, that’s it! What does it mean?”

He listened with shock as his mother explained the meanings of each letter- including the revelation that Uncle Gary’s roommate was actually much more than that- and when she was done, he was struck with the distinct frustration that came with being left out of the loop on something for far too long. He thought about Topanga and Shawn’s exchange from earlier, and slowly the pieces started to fit together. But there was one question that had yet to be answered:

“So, why would something like that make Shawn so upset?”

“Well, what did he say exactly?”

“He said it was a bad idea. That kids shouldn’t feel pressured to make being gay their whole identity, and that if they did it would actually make their lives worse, that Topanga should just ‘let things be’- and I sort of get his point. I mean, kids mess around, ya know? Why should it matter?”

He thought back to the things he had tried with Shawn over the years. He didn’t think any of that made him a different person.

“Well, think about it this way,” She offered, “You love baseball, right?” He nodded. “Now imagine you live in a world where only girls get to play, and people think it’s _unnatural_ for boys to play, so much so they make laws specifically saying that boys can’t play baseball.” Cory shakes his head.

“That would be the worst.” Amy nods. 

“Yeah. Now, in that world, do you think you’d still love baseball as much as you do now?” He thinks about it for a second.

“Yeah, I think so- I mean, baseball is awesome.”

“And you’d want to play right? Even though it’s against the rules, even though people would think you’re weird or wrong for wanting to?”

“I guess, I’d still want to play. But if it would get me into trouble, I probably wouldn’t tell people.”

“Exactly.” Cory nods, a horrible bizzarro world forming in his mind- one where he has to hide his baseball cards under the floorboards, just in case the Baseball Police do a random home inspection. He’d watch as Morgan grow up to be a major league player, meanwhile he doesn’t even get to play catch in the yard with his dad, or they’d lock him up and throw away the key.

“As for why Shawn was upset…” His mother continues, “That I don’t know. Maybe he really believes what Topanga is doing is wrong, or maybe he’s just trying to keep a secret of his own. Either way, the only to find out is to talk to him about it.”

Cory nods.

“Thanks mom.” He says. She smiles.

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ok if you disagree, but as God is my witness I fully believe Cory would be this much of a dumbass. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
